Out of all the blogs I’ve written, this is the first time I’m feeling that flutter in my stomach of nerves as I type. Which can only mean one thing…
It’s about to get real in here.
I have only juiced once this summer.
I have kept a steady diet of refined, processed, and sweetened foods.
I have gained an unknown number of pounds (unknown because I’m avoiding my scale like I am my juicer).
And with all of this on my conscience, I find myself feeling a bit obligated to hate who I am right now. Falling off a wagon isn’t anything to be proud of, and I feel the responsibility to despise the choices I’ve made. It literally feels like my responsibility to respond to this season with disgust.
When I brought this mess to his throne he said that now is the most crucial time for me to love. Now is the moment I can take all power away from backsliding. He is teaching me that fearing the fall has given the fall power. And despising myself in this place of failure motivates the enemy to keep me coming back here.
So I’m trying to love myself instead. And loving myself in this season of imperfection is making a wasteland out of the city of lies I had built around my self worth. I’m taking every thought captive. I’m only giving truth a voice in my thoughts. I’m giving myself permission to hope and dream and ask for blessings. I’m learning that both on and off the wagon I am royalty.
I’m giving and receiving grace.
And I know that I will be back on that wagon again soon…until then I’ll be loving myself.